Please help! This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. I dont know what to do, I have to work to support her, and I want that bond. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! So chin up, head down. Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. This time is so precious and so short. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? Which just doesnt help at all! While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. But, I do know I cant wallow. What a painful situation you are in! My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. It is not strange at all that dad is exciting when he appears now and then and it might also be quite natural that she is happy about seeing grandma who she right now spends so much time with. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! please give me some advice. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. she is taken care by my husbands mother . He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. If you are off balance, she might notice and you thereby reinforce the rejection. in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. Up till this point she has always been a happy child, always smiling and loved everyone. For many adopted children, it certainly IS different t be adopted. why does he do this?? I had the same reaction from my baby girl. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. What can I do? I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. Trying to raise a 1 year old is impossible. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. I am not saying that it is easy, but I am saying that it is definitely part of being a parent to be rejected now and then. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. well, its not. I dont know what to do, I feel desperate. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! But they arent helping your relationship with your child. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. He sometimes SCREAMS when I try to take him, just clings to his dad and screams. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. Thank you so much for responding so quickly! I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. What happened? Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. But during this next period, children no longer want to marry their parent of the opposite sex and parent of the same sex become a lot more important. Many babies go through periods when only one of the parents will do it can be either the mom or the dad. 1. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. Hi Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? I have been struggling with the same thing for the last two weeks. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. I miss my baby terribly. Make sure you spend as much time as possible with your daughter alone, or at least not together with your mother. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Thats good too; try to see that. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. Which makes me feel guilty that he feels guilty. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. I am a stay at home mom with an almost one year old baby girl. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. Warming the nipple (just run it under warm water) may help, too. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. This cookbook contains about 200 recipes and photos of how to make delicious meals easily and quickly. You are not alone, you have not done anything wrong and you should not be feeling this sad. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. My MIL sees him once a week. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. During these 15 minutes, focus only on your son and on showing him interest and love. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. Hi all, It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. I guess I just dont want this type of behavior to flow into other areas of her life. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. she enjoys talking to him on a phone. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. And I was the one at home. My point is this this WILL pass. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. That's where you come to her rescue and change all that with this gift for a mom going back to work. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. She adores me but her daddy not so much. Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! A ground-breaking study has found that mothers can go back to work months after the birth of their child without the baby's wellbeing suffering as a result. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. He also loves his father and grandmother. Congratulations on your little daughter. Your girls are now 8 months old. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. Making daily life work with a little toddler/baby is not always easy, so being able to help each other, discuss situations and both taking responsibility makes a difference. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. It doesnt work! what am I to do !! Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. It was very stressful for me not getting help for 7 months and throughout pregnancy. We laugh all the time! But you say that you gave up on her. Peek-a-boo. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. By the time all my training was done may daughter was 14 months old and had been with my mother the entire time. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! Or is my situation just too unique? If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. A couple of things helped: 1) we play her favorite music at very loud volume during the feeding to distract her, 2) we make sure to feed her before she gets very hungry so that she is still in a good mood, 3) we make sure my husband, the caregiver, always gives her the bottle, and 4) we keep trying at different times if she doesn't take the So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. Sep. 5, 2016. Hi sad dad, Please take care. Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. When you get back, you're still the #1 mom. But I think something else is equally important if not more. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. 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